Mirror Stage: What do Lacan and OkCupid have to Do With Photography Exhibits?

Lacan, OkCupid, and My First Photography Exhibit

The mirror stage (French: stade du miroir) is a concept in the psychoanalytic theory of Jacques Lacan. The mirror stage is based on the belief that infants recognize themselves in a mirror (literal) or other symbolic contraption which induces apperception (the turning of oneself into an object that can be viewed by the child from outside themselves) from the age of about six months.

(Disclaimer: I have not read Lacan in any depth., but this is relevant.)

In spring 2017 I was going through a breakup, but you could have said the same of spring 2018 or 2016. Anytime I encountered heartache I threw myself into my novel and photography (fiddling with equipment, and concentrating on framing images is a good way to occupy your mind). I was eating at a wine bar with my friend Angela, and telling her all the comic and harrowing details of my breakup. One of the problems with being funny, and a writer, is I'm good at framing my life in ways that are narratively entertaining but that doesn't help with any of my feelings, and in fact might help me avoid confronting those feelings. And  don't let the fact that we were at a wine bar fool you into thinking I make sophisticated choices-- we were on the UES.

Back at the wine bar a couple were seated to our left. It was a man and a woman, clearly on a date, but an early date. They had that careful air about them, overly polite and solicitous, silences threatening to become uncomfortable. Something about the man made me look over a few times. He wasn't terrifically handsome--older than me, late forties, salt and pepper hair (notable that he had hair), read as white but he could have been Latino or mixed. He seemed friendly and familiar and I was overcome with an overwhelming need to talk to him. When his date went to the bathroom, my friend also went to the bathroom, so I leaned over and said "Do you live in Brooklyn?" I wasn't exactly flirting, he really did look familiar, but I wasn't exactly not flirting, either. He seemed pleased by my overture and explained that he lived in Philadelphia, but he used to date a woman who lived in Brooklyn, and he often walked her dog. He mentioned the neighborhood the ex lived in and I shook my head because I never go there. We told each other our names but then conversation died down in anticipation of my friend's and his date's return. We paid our checks around the same time, and he let his date leave the restaurant before him and leaned over to shake my hand and said "It was nice to meet you." My friend watched this while wearing the universal WTF? face. I waited until he exited to explain. Then we went to the Met to see the Irving Penn exhibit. Was this a missed connection? Meet-cute? I couldn't stop trying to figure out where I knew him from. Then on my way home I figured it out. He'd looked at my OkCupid profile often enough for me to remember him, but I had never pursued anything because I don't do long distance relationships. Fueled by the novelty of serendipity, I sent him a message. I was less interested in a date than letting him know I'd solved the mystery. (I love being right!).

We exchanged messages and because I mentioned it in my dating profile, we discussed photography. Then he alerted me to an open call for work at the Asian Arts Initiative on the theme of mixed-Asian identity in honor of Loving Vs. Virginia . (Turns out he has a Japanese grandparent.) He encouraged me to submit work if I had anything that fit. Being Taiwanese and Irish I definitely had work that I could say fit. One of the differences between a photograph you might take, and a photograph that hangs in a gallery or a museum as Art is what the artist says it does. I selected a few images, and googled how to write an artist statement, filled out the application, and submitted. The man from OkCupid had once worked at that particular gallery but I don't believe he had any say in the decision making process. A few weeks later I got an email saying two of my images were selected for the group show. Not bad considering I had not seriously considered exhibiting my work, ever. I had just gotten used to the idea that I might want to be a photographer but even then I wasn't comfortable calling myself a photographer.

Things became complicated when the gallery asked me how I wanted to price my pieces. Except for a one-day darkroom class, a one-day street photography class, a six-session portrait class, and a 12-week darkroom class, I don't have formal training in photography, and I don't know much about the art world. I consulted two of my teachers about pricing work. I ultimately decided not to sell the images. Of the two images, one of them was of my niece and I'd forgotten to ask my sister for permission to submit the image. I was wrong, but we'd had friction of this sort in the past about my writing. At the time I told her she either had to let go of the idea that I was writing about her when I wasn't, or she had to stop reading my work. I got the feeling she would have been happy if I stopped writing. But maybe that's me projecting. Anyway, in this case, I was wrong, but she begrudgingly consented to having my niece's photograph included in the group show. The other photograph was of my mother. She was perplexed why her photograph was considered art, but she was flattered.

After months of sporadic messaging, the man from OkCupid and I met for coffee. Our date lasted about fifteen minutes because it became clear that we had absolutely no chemistry. The urgency I'd felt when we first met had vanished but I'm proud I had the chutzpah to make the initial introduction. How else would I have gotten my first group show? He sent me photos from the opening in Philadelphia because I couldn't make it down, but I haven't spoken to him since.

Canon digital camera photograph of my mother.

© Adalena Kavanagh

Asian Arts Initiative

I'm not going to post the image of my niece here, but here is an essay at Asian Arts Initiative about my work, and here is the Asian Arts Initiative exhibition's catalog with my artist statement (Adalena Kavanagh) You can see her image and understand why I included the definition of the mirror stage. 

Photography Equipment: Fuji and Canon, film vs. digital

I wish photographers talked more transparently about the gear they use so I will include this information when it makes sense.

In spring 2017 I upgraded my digital camera from an entry level Canon DSLR to a Fuji X-Pro2 mirrorless camera. The cost of the X-Pro2 felt like money well spent once I saw how differently it rendered artificial light compared to the Canon.  If you've seen any of my work online, none of my digital work is edited aside from iphone filters, and Fuji's film simulation modes. With film I just post scans straight from the lab. I'm not bragging at all that my work is unedited, I'm just being transparent. I don't yet know how to use photoshop, which is a valuable skill! I did an interview with the photographer, Bao Ngo (out sometime in 2020), and we discussed at length the over inflated value of film vs. digital and why she prefers the control she has over digital files.I say that my work is unedited so you understand that what you're seeing is as close to what I saw when making the photograph.The image of my mother was made with my Canon using window light. And the image of my niece was made using my Xpro2, with a 23mm lens.

I have prints for sale. 

Photography and Writing Contacts for Adalena Kavanagh

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